Asha’s Refuge works with many young adult mothers. Many of our mothers are single and/or mothers of multiple children. Some are widows. It seems that most of the ladies we work with have never had an education. I’m learning that there are actually many countries that have not cared about or understood the value of educating women and therefore do not have educational systems in place for young girls. It’s sad to me. The refugee children we work with often lack the kinds of healthy social and discipline skills that will allow them to be successful when entering into American school systems and neighborhoods. We have recognized that the children have been parented by parents who have never had an opportunity to take the time necessary to appropriately guide and parent their children. In fact, in most cases, the mothers lack the skills necessary to teach their own children behavioral and social skills, because they themselves never received the training. Asha’s Refuge recognizes this could affect a family’s successful resettlement and works to help young moms by gently coaching them with their children.

I’ve heard reports that on average a refugee lives in a refugee camp for 17 years before arriving into a country for resettlement. With that said, there are children that are born in the refugee camps and children here today that have never lived outside of a refugee camp. One question that was posed to me was, why then, would a person choose to continue having children bringing them into such a harsh situation in the first place? This seems like a good question at first, but things are just so much more complicated than this. I wish it were that easy.

Refugee camps are overflowing with people. The tents that many refugees live in are not like the outdoor tents we use here in America when we are going out to a camp ground to hunt, fish and “camp”. They are makeshift shelters built with large sticks and covered with whatever plastic, blankets ,or clothing that they can find. They are just enough to keep the hot sun from scorching the family and not enough to keep rain water out. There are so many tents within the refugee camp area that even the large areas of land they are on are crowded. There are no doors with locks, so anyone can decide to come into your tent and take whatever clothing or food rations you may have had left over to save for emergency situations. There is disease, bugs, and poor water conditions. There are not enough food, water or shelter materials to go around, but aide officials try. The elderly, those who are ill, the disabled and young children are at a great risk of death. Many parents bury their children near refugee camps after days, months and years of waiting only hoping to get chosen to be among the ones that are helped. There are no jobs, because the jobs are for citizens and refugees are often stateless, without a country to call their own. As with anywhere, there is crime. Children and women are sometimes raped. People are desperate.

Many of my refugee friends are Muslim. Some of them are even Christian. Whether Muslim or Christian, the refugee families I have met all seem to feel the same regarding the amount of children they have. It seems to be okay in their culture to have many children. In fact, it’s seen in both religions for people living in Africa as a blessing from God. In America, we tend to put a social cap on how many children a couple should or shouldn’t have based on our cultural understanding of how the family will be able to financially provide for or care for the children. My refugee friends feel that God will provide for their children. If I talk to some Americans, they feel like we (tax dollars) are providing for all of their children. (Keep in mind, had they not been in the situation they were in through deadly persecution many of my refugee friends would have preferred to stay in their home country – they are not here looking for Americans to pay for their family, but for a chance to live.) I’ve listened to a radical American Christian preacher who made a connection in his mind and warned, “If Christians don’t get busy birthing more Christians then we are going to be out numbered!” I’m not suggesting we should play the numbers game because I know the Lord has won many battles through the smaller army. I must say, however, it’s a sticky conversation to have.

Back in the 1800’s, American families may have looked similar to today’s large African families with 10 or more children. We needed many children to help us on our farms. There were also some tough illnesses then and people didn’t live as long. Children were especially susceptible to illness and death. Before America got wind of industrial factories and technology what were our families like? I guess I am careful not to judge because I haven’t been in their shoes. I believe, we are called to love those before us, not to judge why they are here. As for me, I will have to let the Lord take care of all the confusion.

With that said, I think it is very difficult in our culture to financially support and provide for many children. I feel like the Lord has shown us some healthy ways to do some family planning but I don’t feel like children should be seen as a burden as they are truly a gift and blessing from God.

I got off on a rant, but I’m not going to try and go back and cut and paste what came out so that it fits with the first few paragraphs. Please bare with me. I often write like I’m having a conversation and I will have to work on that.

Asha’s Refuge will help coach refugee mothers as they work to help educate and resettle their own children here in America. We will have to help mothers tap into educational resources for themselves. We will have to teach them new parenting skills that do not involve hitting and slapping or dragging their children. We will teach our mothers things like the fact that it isn’t okay to let their young children wander the street or their unlicensed teenagers to drive a car. Asha’s Refuge will help mothers by encouraging and walking with them to do things like pay their bills, go to the grocery store or to go to the doctor. It will first take building a trusting one-to-one relationship with a mother.

Asha’s Refuge needs grounded ladies on board who have time to help us mentor and care for young refugee women and mothers. We aren’t trying to change their culture or who they are! They are beautiful beyond description and we want to encourage them to hang on to their culture. Our goal is to help them be successful at keeping their children safe and helping them to succeed here in their new environment. And we are very hopeful that as we walk with them we will have an opportunity to share the hope and love message of Christ.