My friend Nina called me yesterday. She’s from Somalia but she has been in the US for 18 years. Nina must have been in a group of the earliest Somalian’s to have approval to come to the US. I haven’t learned all of her story, but I’m sure the more I am around her I will. Her husband has a disability. He’s in a wheelchair. He drives a taxi to help pay the bills. Nina works a midnight shift cleaning a large medical training center here in Memphis. She and her husband speak great English, but they still struggle financially to provide for their four children. They will soon have another child. Nina is pregnant. Understanding and getting by in America has been hard for her, but she and her husband are doing it.

Nina came to American when she was about 12 years old. She was late in starting her education. If she was like other 10-17 year old refugees that come to America and enter into the school system, she probably had to work extra hard to catch up and then keep up with the average education level of the other students. Even though she speaks great English today, it is apparent that her biggest struggle is understanding the American culture. From what I can tell, Nina hasn’t kept a lot of American friends. She sticks very closely with her Somali friends. I’m sure that’s what is most comfortable for her. I don’t think it is her that pushes them away as she’s been so kind and accepting to me. From my perspective, most Americans don’t slow down enough to see other’s struggling right in front of them and if a person is too different from them, then some Americans tend to shy away.

I’ve enjoyed getting to know Nina. I first met her in the hospital at Lebonheur as we both sat next to my friend Abby and her daughter, Alia.  Alia and her mother had just arrived off the airplane to America. As soon as they got off the plane, they had to rush Alia to the hospital. Alia had an illness called Hydrocephalus and needed medical attention quickly. You can read more about Abby and Alia in my post titled “Gaps in the Medical System”.

Nina and I were sitting next to Abby  as she handed over Alia to doctor’s that would roll her out and begin lots of testing. Abby was very scared and unsure of what was happening and being said by the medical staff. Nina was there to translate. Nina and I began talking and I was just amazed at how big her heart was to help new Somali’s coming into America. She was ready and willing to help a stranger. Her kindness and ability to actually comfort Abishiro through translating was uncanning. Nina stayed the night in the hospital with Abby and Alia several nights hoping to offer comfort. I was immediately drawn to Nina.

Later, I realized that Nina also new and was helping my friend Alma. I found out Nina was trying to help many refugees who were struggling. She offered meals and shared her and her children’s clothes with them. She transported them to appointments and to the grocery store. In many ways, her heart lined up with mine. We linked arms closely for a while and worked to help new refugees. Then, Nina had to work more at the medical facility where she was cleaning and I didn’t get to see her as often.

Over the past couple of years, I also recognized that she too, needed some help and guidance. Nina works hard to help so many other families but not many return the favor when she is in need.

Nina came to me once worried about paying back a car loan. She had apparently bought a used car from a dealership that seemed to take advantage of her. They continually called her to come in their office to make a payment on her car when she had already made several payments. Nina was anxious and afraid.

I decided to get some men involved that I trusted and knew had worked in the car business before. We found out that Nina didn’t understand that the people who sold her the car had raised the interest percentage over the legal limit. And, she didn’t understand that she was only required to make one monthly payment. From what I remember, Nina was making a payment with each of her weekly paychecks. She made a couple of pretty large payments and then had over paid each week trying to get the car quickly paid for but she was unable to purchase the things that she and her family needed to live on each week. My husband and friends with car business sense contacted the dealership and researched better loan opportunities for Nina. I don’t think Nina really ever understood how she had been wronged and how we had planned to help. She never really followed up with the trustworthy people we set up to try to help her modify her loan. Our reputable bank friends were angry at what had happened to Nina and were ready and willing to help her refinance it to make a better and lower paying plan. Nina was probably too overwhelmed. We never heard what Nina had decided to do about paying off her car loan. I do know that we helped her to understand that she wasn’t required to pay weekly. We also helped her to understand not to pay over the bottom line price she signed for. Asha’s Refuge won’t be in the car business, but hopefully we can help our friends understand the importance of better understanding contracts that they are signing.

Nina called me yesterday to see if I could help her get another TN Driver’s license. She lost hers. I knew from experience (no I have never lost mine, but I’ve helped refugees in the past with TN Driver’s License issues), that if Nina could give me her lisence number that we could simply order a new one online. She was so grateful for the help, but would have to see if she could find her license number with her insurance company. Otherwise, it will be a little more trouble, but we can still get it done. I’m happy that Nina has an actual lisence as some refugees drive around alone with only their permit. Asha’s Refuge would like to find ways to partner with local driver’s education schools to better train refugees how to drive. Asha’s Refuge will be able to offer some assistance in helping disadvantaged refugees as they try to navigate through the Tennessee Department of Motor Vehicles.

The apartment that Nina and her family were living in flooded because of a piping issue. They moved into a temporary apartment while theirs was being repaired. Her husband is in a wheelchair and couldn’t offer a lot of help. Nina moved all by herself even though she was pregnant. I was not made aware that this was all going on for Nina at the time.

A few weeks ago, I found out that Nina was going to be able to move back into her old apartment (in the same complex) soon. She again didn’t inform me of the date she would move back in and again moved herself while pregnant. If I had known, I would have pulled together a group of men to help. She said that she asked several of her Somali friends to help her but they were unwilling. Her disabled husband felt very bad. I still have no idea how she managed to move her furniture. She must not have large furniture like many Americans do. I got on to Nina for moving herself and not contacting me for help. She wished she had called me too, because after her move, she was having terrible back pain.

Nina’s baby is due sometime late September I think. My friends from Sugar Grove Church in Goshen, Indiana want to come back to help me throw a baby shower for her. Nina says that in her culture the new mother has to throw a party for family and friends to come see the baby soon after the baby is born. “What?! A new mom has to prepare food and a party for others to come see her newborn baby,” I thought to myself. That seems like too much work for a new mommy to me. We will have to work hard to not go overboard with the baby shower for Nina. It’s an American culture to over do it. Nimo will not understand what most of our infant gadgets are for and will surely resort back to the basics that she understands. I’m not sure how Asha’s Refuge fits in with throwing a baby shower other than to just encourage a new mom and be a friend. It will give us an opportunity to socialize with and encourage other women at the shower as well. I think that part is most important.